Pregnancy After Miscarriage | "The Voice"

Six weeks ago, my husband comes around the corner excited and congratulating me, “Tanae! You’re halfway there!” Seeing my confusion he grabs my hands and quickly explains, “You’ve officially been pregnant longer than the days you have left!”

He hugs me and a smile escapes my lips. As I embrace him my thoughts wrap around the baby inside me and I let his encouragement and excitement sweep through me, “I did it.” But even before my smile fades, my mind is invaded by that all too familiar voice that seems relentless in its efforts to find permanent residence inside of me. “It could still happen.” It says, “You could still lose it… “ “This voice” (as I’m calling it) I know is nothing more than fear and doubt trying to whittle down my faith... Every week, sometimes every day, I go to battle with it. Most day’s I win, but other day’s it manages to sneak up on me. It’s been quieter since I passed the first trimester, and as I near the third its volume continues to lesson… but I’d be lying if I said it no longer exists. I’d be lying if I said I don’t sigh a grateful breath of relief every time I feel this girl inside me squirm or kick.

I’m slowly coming to terms that this voice, may never completely go away. It may be a permanent scar and reminder of my miscarriage, so more than ever I cling to my faith and to the blessings in my life.

Today in particular, I am grateful for this girl. I’m grateful that despite my shortcomings as a mother, she still embraces and loves me whole-heartedly. I’m grateful for restless nights, potty wake up calls, achy hips, shrinking wardrobes, even the ever-increasing struggle to latch my sandals and tie my shoes! Because every inconvenience and every discomfort means another day I get to carry this special life inside me. Friends! What are you grateful for today?

If you're just jumping in on this photo series and my personal story with miscarriage, you can read how and why I started this project here.
Or you can follow my journey on instagram.  I'm using the hashtag #myjourneyaftermiscarriage.